


Healing Tears

by Jackb



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dad Gil, Domestic, Emotional, F/M, Family, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Illness (mention), Men Crying, Night Terrors, cancer (mention), canon gave us nothing so I'm filling the gap, family support each other, miscarriage (mention), somewhere in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21604504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackb/pseuds/Jackb
Summary: On Jackie’s death anniversary, Malcolm pay a visit to Gil.- - -Aka, you want father-son Gil-Malcolm ?? you came to the right place.
Relationships: Gil Arroyo & Malcolm Bright, Gil Arroyo/Jackie Arroyo, Jackie Arroyo & Malcolm Bright (mention)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Healing Tears

**Author's Note:**

> Please, know that english is not my first language, I may have done grammar mistake and such, know that I do my best to reduce them. if you see some big one, please tell me so I can correct them and do less mistake in the future.
> 
> Also I've search half a hour for a title, so have that because heh, couldn't find anything else.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

It didn't occurs to Malcolm that after a long day and an even longer week on a tough case it was not really appropriate to knock at the door of your colleague and friend even with good intention. The exhausted look Gil gave him after opening the door, made the younger man a bit guilty, but just a bit.

He guess he hadn't been very calm latetly, the whole things with the copycat, the girl in the box, his father, his mother, well his familly and past in general had been a source of stress not only for him but for Gil too. The man would deny half of it, but Malcolm could tell when he started to worry for him, even if he tried to hide it, like now, where in the slipt of a second Gil passed from annoyed to suprised, to pleased, to worried. He could even hear his thought _'What did you do ? what happenned ? what can I do to help ?'._

« I promise you I don't bring trouble. » Malcolm said before Gil could open his mouth, he raised his hand in a peaceful gesture and if it was not enough, his smile finished to reassure the Lieutenant.

« Oh really ? » He still said playfully with a sarcastic tone.

Gil lazily stepped out of the door frame to let Malcolm enter.

« I'm pretty tired and I can see you're worse, I thought you were going back home to sleep. » He closed the door behind.

« That was the plan, originally, but I passed beside the Union Square Market, I've forgot it even existed, so I've brought some good and I thought we could eat and well. » He pulled a bottle of wine out of the bag, it was a good one Gil noticed. « drink together tonight. »

« Don't you have a med or two mixing badly with alcohol ? »

« Heh maybe, should be fine. » He shrugged and Gil sighed. Not that he was not pleased for having Malcolm over, he loved the kid after all, but well, it was not the right moment.

« Look Malcolm, I'm pretty tired and not really in the mood to cook or have company today. »

« Come on, it's just me. » It was not as convincing as Malcolm thought it would be. « Give me a chance to change your mind ! »

  
Malcolm took the grocery bags and walked fast toward the kitchen, he knew the house by heart even if it had been years since he had come here. Little had changed, the blanket on the couch, the curtains, the cabinet that wasn't here, the table that had moved. It still stayed the same though. Gil followed him.

« I'm serious. I'm touch, I like the idea, but just another day. »

« I think today is just fine, if you are too tired to cook, you just have to watch me. »

« You know I remembers the last time you tried to cook here, I had to throw my favorite pan away, if you think I'm going to just let you cook alone. »

« That's very unfair, I did get better. » Malcolm pouted with amusement.

« That rest to see. »

  
Gil peaked a look into the bag to see what Malcolm had brought. Half defeated, still half resisting. He didn't know did he ? He probably forgot or else he wouldn't have come, not today. Not for Jackie's death anniversary. Should he say something ?

« Salmon, asperagus, dill.. » He listed

« Yup. I thought we could have rice with it. »

  
  


Gil watched Malcolm activate to pick the right pans and pots. He also seized two wine glasses.

« But first a drink. » He grabed the bottle and begun openning it. Gil leaned against the counter, arms crossed as he watched the boy pour them a glass. He didn't refuse it, he could definetly use a drink right now.

He made an effort to not empty his glass right away and took the time to toast with Malcolm first, even then he resisted and just drank half of it. Malcolm, on his side, had barely took a sip.

« So ! » Malcolm moved his hand and almost spilled his wine. « I don't know you but I'm pretty hungry. Let me show you how better I've became at cooki.. »

« Malcolm ! » Gil cut him a bit harsly, annoyed, more than he wished he had been. The young man stopped talking his head dropped a bit and he fixed his glass. Gil felt guilty.

A bit of silent streched between them, Malcolm kept turning the golden robe of the wine in his glass and was particulary drown to it, a little smile on his lips, despite the sadness creeping out on his face. His expression was so juvenile, so childly, as if he never grew up as if he was still the same little boy that came over his and Jackie's house all those time, with the same raw emotions he had no idea how to deal with. Gil's heart warmed, it was silly and he might have wish some time alone to mourn in peace, but having Malcolm here felt like familly reunion, there was no way he was making the boy leave.

He guess the boy had always been pretty good at making him change his mind, he couldn’t resist seeing him needy.

« What about we finish our wine and I go ? Like you said we can do that another day. » He said like it was no big deal, like he wasn't hurt inside, like Gil couldn't see it on his face, hears it in his tone as he drank the rest of his wine. To be honest, it was a waste of a good wine to drink it that fast. « Oh ! Alright ! Now I guess. »

  
Malcolm didn't have the heart to finish his own glass, he just pushed it on the counter and was about to leave when Gil grabed his shoulder.

« I think you had a good idea. » He patted his shoulder. « Why don't you grab the rice on the second left cupboard ? »

« The rice ! Right ! » Malcolm clapped his hands together, beaming as Gil pulled the salmon out of the paper.

« The black one ! » He indicated.

« Alright the black one, tell me, why do you have like six type of rice ? »

« You know my love for it. »

  
It felt weird for Gil to cook with someone once again. It had always been a special thing for him and it had been a long time since the last time he had shared this moment with someone.

« What are you doing with the asperagus Malcolm ? You have to peel them first. »

« Peel them ? »

« Yes peel them, or else they are impossible to chew. »

« What are you talking about ? Asperagus are always tender ! »

« Yes that's because you eat them in restaurant that peel them, take the peeler it's in the drawer at your full right. »

« hm. What are you doing ? » Malcolm peaked a look over Gil head.

« You took like, five different type of fish. »

« Yes I wasn't sure you would have wanted salmon. »

« Yet you took four piece of salmon. » Malcolm shrugged. « So I'm making a tartar, pollock and salmon. »

« Nice. »

« Can you pass me the red berry and the sesame oil ? »

« Sure. » Malcolm started to search in all the cupboard, it gave Gil a chuckle.

Jackie and him always cooked together, it had been one of their things even if their chaotic workhour as a cop and as social worker would sometime get in the way. They always found a moment to just cook and have a meal together. Gil remembered having breakast at dinner time or full dinner after he just woke up. It didn't matter as long as they were together. And when Malcolm had been over their house they always cooked with him too, like today.

He had missed this, for the last three years, having someone to cook with, to cook for. It was something so casual yet so intimate to share.

« Here ! Finally found it. » Malcolm pushed the ingredients on the counter.

« Thanks Panggâ. » He answered absentely before realising. The beaming smile Malcolm gave him was everything.

« It's been a long time since you called me that. » He noted, emotion in his voice. He turned on his side of the counter, a wide smile on his face as he started peeling the asperagus.

« I guess. Your mother always hated when I called you that. »

« To be fair, my mom always hated people calling me something else but Malcolm Whitly. »

« Yes, she is still going against Bright, despite being years since you made the change. »

« She does ! » He gave a small chuckle that broke when he felt Gil’s hand on his shoulder. He had came to pick up the dill in the bag near him.

« You're doing good. » He cheered. « Yeah all the way to the head, just like that. » Malcolm felt warm at the compliment.

The ambiance was joyful as they cooked, the light conversation paired well with their laugh, the boilling water and the ingredient being chopped on the cutting board, but when Gil moved to put the table in place, melancholy creeped inside his gut. Pushing away the joy to fill him with sadness. It was silly, really, the thing is, Malcolm had always had his place at this table, _his_ place, like he had his own and like Jackie had her own. It was an habit deeply rooted and it felt weird and wrong to have Jackie place empty. She should have been here with them, her place was with them.

« Something's wrong ? » Malcolm noticed as he placed the tartar on the table. Gil was still holding the set of cutlery in his hand.

« I wonder. Why did you come tonight ? » Gil asked all previous joy had quit his tone. « You could have come any other night for that, you had to wait.. today. Just right after a case. » He added, feeling it was better to not include Jackie here, he didn't want to make Malcolm feel guilty to have forgot.

« You don't think I would have left you alone tonight, did you ? » He paused, eyes low as Gil's raised on him. « I know I wasn't there when it happens, or for much after, but she counted for me. I didn't want to pass her death anniversary alone and I don't think you wanted that too. »

« You remembered then. »

« O.. Of course I did, did you thought I had forgot ? »

  
Gil didn't answered right away.

« I guess I did, I'm glad you're here though. » He said lowly, his guts clenched and his eyes watered. It was still so difficult without her. It had been three years but it was still so fresh and painful for him. « I miss her. »

« I miss her too. »

  
Few tears fell on Gil's cheeks, he lowered his eyes and wiped them away, not because he felt shameful, but because he didn't want to break fully just now. He gave Malcolm the cutlery and walked back in the kitchen. The profiler finished to set the table before coming back, letting Gil recompose. He wiped a last tear as he heard Malcolm arrive.

« The salmon will cook fast we should eat the tartar first. » He proposed, his back still turned.

« I'm sorry for not being there. » Gil faced him.

« Don't beat yourself up, you built your life and she was very proud of that, beside you still called her and you still came, she could see you one last time before the cancer took her. You were here. »

« Still, I didn't stick around. »

« And throw all your hard work away ? Nah. You know she would have never accepted that. She would have kick your butt away. » They chuckled at that.

« She definetly would have. » He agreed.

They left the chuckles die, with it something a bit warmer took place.

« She loved you very much you know. You were her bright little star. »

  
Malcolm smiled at the memory. He could actually hear Jackie call him that.

« Don’t beat yourself over anything, you didn’t do wrong, beside you were here, for me. » He added.

« I stayed a week. I wasn’t even here for the funeral. »

« You were on a case Malcolm. You couldn’t leave it. And you say a week like it’s nothing. But for me it’s what made the difference. You gave me the strenght to not give up. You made me remembers I had things I cared about, people I loved. You helped me so much during that time. I thought you had realised that. »

« I guess, not so much. » He couldn’t repress the nervous chuckles.

« Come on, let’s have that tartar. » Gil invited.

After diner, both laid on the couch, a glass of bourdon in hand. Their last subject had dry out and a comfortable silence sat between them. Just each other company was enough yet Malcolm kept knocking his glass with his finger, letting the acute sound cover the road outside.

« What's on your mind ? » Gil invited before the sound bothered him for good.

« Uh, well, I wonder. » Malcolm took another sipe. « Why did you never had kids ? I always thought you would. You love kids. » He drank again.

Gil reajusted himself on the couch and took a deep, heavy breath, despite being a bit drunk himself, he felt nervous. Malcolm straightenned too, sensing the change in the mood at his question.

« We.. We wanted to. » His voice was lower and sadder than he wished it was.

He marked a pause, streching a bit in time and Malcolm stayed silent, he knews if he interrupted Gil now, the topic would wear off, be brushed away. Maybe he should have shut his mouth, keep the question that had been running in his head for years now for another occasion. But at the same time, maybe tonight was the perfect moment to ask that.

« We wanted. But.. we always lost the baby. Miscariage ! » He comtemplated the ocher color of his bourdon. « We had tried when we were young, it never worked. We then discovered she had a cancer and it was why it didn't work. Once we got rid of that cancer, we tried again. » He took another strong breath. « It's pretty breaking to build your hope everytime, hold on the possibility this time could work, knowing you shouldn't start to think about the details in your head, like what color we should paint the chamber, what name we could choose, ogle the baby stuff in store or thinking it would be you one day who'd go pick your kid after school everytime you drive past one or.. well, you get the point. But you do actually does that, everytime your get high hope and to have it taken from you, it.. shatter you, it was even worse for her. »

  
Gil rubbed his eyes, wiping out a few tears and forcing those who threatenned to fall back. « Anyway, after, well, some times, enough time, we decided to stop trying, it was too damaging. We just couldn't take more. »

  
Malcolm nodded, there was no pity in his expression but sympathy. Gil moved on the couch, getting in a better position, their legs brushed a bit more and Malcolm leaned into the touch, relaxing to the contact. Time held a bit between them, warm and a bit heavy.

« I can’t even begin to imagine how it must felt. »

« It’s difficult.. This.. it put a lot on a relationship you know. Jackie felt guilty and there was so little I could do to reassure her. She felt like.. she was depriving me of parenthood and few time she tried to put distance between us, let me leave, but I knew that if I ever wanted to have a child, I wanted it to be hers, to be ours. I've never loved someone more than I love her, I would have never left, certainly not for that. But it was still not easy to deal with. »

« What about adoption ? I mean, I know it's not the same but.. » He asked.

« We actually thought about it, a bit late though. It took us time to heal from the miscarriages, to accept it was like that, to grieve what we couldn't have, we weren't really open to it, barely thought about it at first. »

  
Gil finished his glasse and invited Malcolm to fill it up again. « You know, you helped us heal from all that. »

Malcolm frowned. « Really ? »

« Yeah, when you started to come here, more and more, for longer each time. » He chuckled. « We did all sort of thing with you that we had dreamt to do if we had a child. You're not our child, we know that, of course, but sometime it felt like it, for a few instant. » He paused and reconsidered his words. « I mean it's not just that, don't come to think we took care of you just because we couldn't have a child, that's not what I'm saying. »

« I know, I know. » Malcolm smiled in reassurance his hands up, he tried to retain the tear threatenning to fall.

« No matter what, no matter how thing could have been, we saw you, distressed and in desperate need of care and stability, you reached for me and then for Jackie and from the start it had been obvious for us to give you whatever you might need. And.. » He paused, swallowing. « You gave us more than we could ask for, than we could expect. You gave us a taste of parenthood. We adopted you, if not officially, definetly in our heart. »

  
Malcolm wiped a few tears and let out and long heavy breath. Releasing emotions through it.

« You never told me that. » He said, his voice breaking a bit.

« Of course not, you needed freedom, you needed to be able to take and leave without feeling any guilt, any responsability. Now I guess you're old enough to hear that. »

« You would have made a good dad, you know ! » He lowered his eyes, voice slightly breaking.

« Wasn't I ? » Malcolm stared back at him. « For you ? » Gil asked with a soft, understanding smile.

Malcolm's chin started to tremble, more tears fell on his cheeks despite his effort to hold it.

« Hey, it's fine son. » Gil said, patting Malcolm's leg to comfort him.

« No. » Malcolm broke, he quickly pushed his glass on the table and got up, fleeing away, trying to recompose himself.

Gil followed him. « Hey, come here ! » He muttered as he grabed his shoulder and gave a small pull. Malcolm didn't resist the invitation and fell unto Gil’s arm in a tight, reciprocated hug. His breathing was shaky and the tension in his body was palpable.

« It's fine. It's fine. » He whispered, leaving a kiss on the top of his hair. « It's okay. » Malcolm was now shaking in his harm, hands pressing hard against him as if Gil was going to let him go. He didn't, he held the embrace tight, allowing the emotions to break raw.

« You were, are, so important to us, to me. » His words made Malcolm fall apart even more, so Gil kept strocking his back in order to calm him.

When he felt Malcolm didn't calm, he forced him a bit apart from him. « Hey ! Hey ! Look at me ! » He seized his head between his hands, the sight was a bit breaking. « I'm so proud of you. » He kissed him on the forehead and Malcolm broke into more tears. « I love you, and you are and will always be my son. I don’t care if.. »

  
Malcolm threw himself in a hug again, cutting Gil. The lieutenant pressed the boy back against him, he was truly crying now, with all the tremor and tension it brought and Gil realised he probably should have said all that sooner. He had always thought it was preferable for Malcolm if he kept a bit of distance, Jessica surely pushed for it, but he realized it couldn’t have been more stupid of him.

« Of course, of course you were.. » It was just a whispers, all broken and barely audible.

« Sshh, it's alright. » He kissed Malcolm temple over and over, trying to calm him.

« I've wanted.. » He took a shaky breath. « I've wished for you to be my Dad, you know. » The words were cut and shaky but it didn't matter.

Gil strocked his back whispering soft words to him. Then, as he felt Malcolm on the verge of falling, he gently brought him back on the couch. He let out a chuckles as he crouched in front of him, himself felt tears tickles, ready to fall.

« Oh Malcolm.. » He had wanted to says more, how honored, how proud, but realisation hit him and finished to push his emotions already on edge.

He was so happy.

He seized Malcolm temples back, a bit harder this time and kissed him on the forehead, trying to pass all the emotions breaking into him in this simple gesture. It drew a laugh from Malcolm.

« Damnit ! I didn’t think I would cry that much tonight. »

« Me neither. »

  
They laughed in unison, it was light and warm. Malcolm rubbed his eyes insistently, they were red and puffy and he looked more drained than when he arrived.

« You look exhausted Malcolm. » He cupped his face with his hand and pushed Malcolm’s hand away, if he continued to rub his eyes like this it would start to hurt.

« I am. Can’t sleep most night. »

« You should head home, try at least to lie down a bit. »

« Nah I’m fine ! It’s still early anyway. » Gil checked his watch.

« Past midnight. »

« Heh ! You see ? Still early. » He finished his sentence with a yawn.

It made Gil smile. With his expression and his hair falling on the side Malcolm looked so candid. Though, after the emotional turmoil he had became pallid and numb, more than usual, per say.

Gil thought a moment. « Maybe you could sleep here. Take the guest room. I don’t have cuff for you, but I can find something, spare you the trip back to your place. »

« Don’t worry I have travelling cuff. » Gil raised an eyebrow.

« Travelling cuff ? »

« Yes with the FBI we were often moving, following the case, so I always had my spare cuff in my bag and since it’s very useful to always have a bag ready with change even now, I always have a bag in my car. And my cuff are in it. »

« So should I take that for a yes ? »

  
Malcolm nodded.

« Alright, I will pick it up, you now the way to the room. »

  
When Gil returned, Malcolm was laying on the bed, he didn’t even made a move to undress.

« You don’t sleep in that bed with your shoes on. »

« Hm. » Malcolm sleepily answered.

Gil threw the bag on the floor, grabed Malcolm’s right leg and removed his shoe and sock, then he did the same in for the other side.

« Come on, you will be better once in pajama. »

« Yeah, yeah. » Malcolm straightened and started to unbutton his shirt. « Can you grab the blue shirt in the bag for me ? » He asked.

Gil did and pulled the cuff out too, before grabing Malcolm dress shirt he had thrown away to put it properly on the chair’s back. Malcolm grabed one of his cuff and rolled on the bed to reach the foot of it, he gave a good tug on it once it was in place, he knew how bad his night terror could be sometime, better to be careful. Gil took the second one and did the same.

« I’m going to get you a set of bath towel and a toothbrush. »

  
Malcolm joined him in the bathroom, just in his undergarment and the blue shirt that he used as a pajama. Both of them brushed their teeth. And after a moment, mouth full of toothpaste mousse Malcolm laughed.

« b’what ? » Gil asked.

« I mean ghis. » He made a move with his hand to show around and a bit of toothpaste crached on the mirror. He spat. « It’s been a long time. » He started brushing again. Gil spat.

« Brushing your teeth ? » Gil mocked.

« Nwo’ the bamiliarity, I missbed it. » He spat. « It’s nice, you know, like.. something familly does. »

  
Gil smiled. Yes it’s was nice. It was something so casual, so normal, yet sharing it with a loved one added intimacy, and familiarity to the act. They had done it countless time when Malcolm had been just a kid sleeping over, and sharing it again with the same closeness as if years hadn’t been more than days was something to be appreciated.

« Yeah it is. » Gil answered before washing his mouth.

He gave a small pat on Malcolm’s back who washed his face with fresh water.

« Do you have everything you need ? Nothing missing ? »

« I’m just gonna take a glass of water. »

« Got it. »

  
Gil pushed the glass full on the table while Malcolm got under the blanket. He then helped him with his cuff, not that Malcolm did need help, he had just wanted to do it.

« Alright if you need anything, take it, you can search in any drawers and cupboards, and if you can’t find something, just wake me. »

« Thanks ! Also I might wake you but not because of that. » Malcolm winced, thinking how loud he could scream at night too. « You know, night terror. »

« It’s fine I don’t mind, it’s not your fault. »

  
Gil was about to leaves when Malcolm called him again. « Gil ! »

« Hm ? »

  
Malcolm hesitated.

« ‘love you, goodnight. »

« I love you too Panggâ, sleep well. » He smiled and closed the door behind.

Gil woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of cry and scream, they might have been muffled by the mouth guard, they were still loud. He checked the clock, far past two, nearly three and he was exhausted, though it didn’t stop him from getting up to rush in Malcolm’s room. He had never been in first hand contact with Malcolm night terrors before. When he was a boy he had very frequent nightmare but nothing has vivid, nothing has violent and visceral

« Malcolm ! » He shouted. « Malcolm ! »

  
He lighted the lamp on the nightstand and tried to shake him awake. It wasn’t too long before

Malcolm finally woke up, he immediatly reached for the hand on his chest and Gil squeezed in reassurance.

« Hey kid, you’re safe. You’re fine. Take a deep breath ! »

  
Malcolm stared at him, terrorized as he very slowly reconnected with reality.

« That’s it, deep, slow breath ! Here let me.. » He pocked at Malcolm’s mouth guard inviting him to relax his jaws. « .. take you that.. Yeah just like that. » Gil left the mouth guard on the nightstand while Malcolm inevitably started to sob.

He reached for a hug but was restrained by his cuff.

« Let me ! » As soon as Gil removed the first cuff, Malcolm jumped in his arms. « It’s okay, you’re safe. »

« ‘sorry. »

« Don’t worry about that. » He gently strocked his back and tried to control a yawn. « Want to talk about it ? »

« No. » He mumbled.

« Alright. » Malcolm didn’t let go, he didn’t calm very quickly either. Gil stayed patient, despite starting to get cold, until finally Bright managed more than one word at a time.

« Can you stay here ? »

« I’m here. »

« No, can I sleep with you ? »

  
The suggestion took Gil aback for an instant.

« Aren’t you a bit old for that ? »

« Please.. »

  
Gil’s felt Malcolm’s lips shake on his neck where he had been snuggled for the past few minutes. The lieutenant wasn’t sure if Malcolm was on the verge of crying again or if he had wanted to say something else.

« Malcolm.. » He sighed.

« Please ! » Malcolm cutted him, sounding desperate, Gil didn’t have the strenght to refuse him.

« Alright, give me some room then. »

  
Gil had barely slipped under the blanket than Malcolm clung unto him.

« Okay, okay ! I’m here ! I’m here ! »

  
As needy as he was as a kid, Gil noticed, but how could he be mad or annoyed at him when Malcolm started crying once again, right in his arms.

« Oh ! Oh ! Shh. Everything is alright kid. » He started shushing him gently, strocking his back but when he saw it had not much effect, he started to hum.

The melody smoothly filled the room, covering the sob. Malcolm snuggled even closer and he held him even tighter, now tenderly caressing his hair. The first few words of the song came out as a whispers then raised just above it.

It was the same philippian lullaby his own mother used to sing to him after a bad dream, and in turn he had sung it countless time to Malcolm. Now, he guessed, it was fitting, and considering the tension in Bright relaxing, it was indeed a good idea.

He continued until Malcolm had fully calmed, he kissed his head and let him fall asleep in his arms. He couldn’t hold back his own tears though, small one that dropped on the pillow.

He fell asleep, loving and also bitter that such a bright man had to endure all this suffering. He hoped it would stop one day, he hoped closure would come so Malcolm’s mind could finally rest and heal. It was not for today, not for tommorrow either, but one day, he hoped.

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Palanggâ/Panggâ is a Filipino term of endearment used to refer to special loved one and close friend.
> 
> I hope you liked the story. Comments are more than appreciated.


End file.
